rediscovering eden

im moving to another LJ because i really cant stand advertisments in my plus account and i need to change my username to less a corny one. oops, sorry for the inconvinience. i added you all back under my new LJ.

PLS ACCEPT!! the new LJ link is http://eternise-hearts.livejournal.com/ 

see you all there!

first day of school was really tiring. i kind of forgot that i had school at 12 and i also forgot that our arts canteen was closed. so darn it, i had to dress up quickly and cooked instant noodles before i left for school. geog lecture was pretty okay; the lecturer bores me to death. waited 2 hours alone to go for the PS module. i found a NY friend so that made me happy. i am not planning to appeal for my PA in SIngapore module because globalisation and politics is a pretty good module. i know it is hard but at least i am enjoying myself. the lecturer is so darn funny

seriously, doing a PS module makes me so happy. i feel like i am going to learn alot this sem. Politics and Me just click instantly! i was telling my new NY friend that PS tutorials are so relaxing. You go in there, you sit down and you just discuss an essay topic. it takes away the stress of group projects or ACTIVE class participation. i wished geog tutorials were like that too..

it is amazing that how you dont do well for your major modules but end up finding more interest and doing well for other modules you take.

had a great dinner with marianne and sue at city hall. :D okay off to sleep and i am going to study tml! nights. :D

woke up super late and i couldnt attend the first part of church so ended up reaching church at 11. went out with glenn, jeff and estelle and we went down to tiffany & co to lengthen the chain of my necklace. we went over to the cathay and watched blood diamond. it is a damn good movie and i cannot help but emphasizing it. okay, but it was super gory and i had to close my eyes at certain parts of the movie. the guys were enjoying the gory parts and i was crying at all the emo parts. 

but really, it is such a poignant movie that it really made me rethink about my life. God was showing me so much through that movie and i am so thankful for what i have and all the blessings i have. i know it is cliche to say that but really, take a look at your life and learn to see what you have been blessed with.

i am living for this cause.

school starts tml. i am going to set out what i am going to do this year with God in mind. i know i am scared of disappointments but you know what, screw that and take the step of faith! i am going to make it right with God this time. i am living it out for You.

You sit down after a long day and you try to reflect on what just happened the last few hours and everything seems to be in a blur. i dont know how i'm feeling but i feel so much at peace.

thank you all for coming down. it made 21 seemed a lot  easier because i have friends like these.
a hopeful silence as i made the two wishes that i've been praying so much about.

God, i want to be a woman of faith even as you work in my life this coming year.
i am going to learn to lead a life that is truly pleasing unto you; to serve and to serve only because my heart is right.
to commit and to accept whatever plans you have for me. i am scared, no doubt about it. everyday seems to be a struggle even as you grow older but nothing is impossible for God. 

thank you so much for being real to my 21 years of life. 

and my early birthday celebration ends here. 
i cant believe i am turning 21 on Wed. :D 

DARN IT! i am going to do one module alone this year because the CORS system refused to let choi and i bid for the Public Administration in Singapore module. i got a feeling that there are no more spaces. And i have no choice but to take Globalisation and Politics which i personally think is super hard!!! that module spoils my exams timetable! Gosh, i am so going to go to the Political Science Department to appeal on Monday.

we tried calling and i emailed the department but of all days, there have to close on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. i can seriously jump down right now. No wonder we couldnt bid for the module yesterday. (*$(#)*$#()$*#()$*#(@)*$@#

okay , i am stuck at home for the whole day. 
Darn it, i am still super sick.

my flu isnt getting any better and i really hope that i will be well again before saturday. Going out the whole day tml so i need to get well like RIGHT NOW! hahaha, i got my computing module! one more to go tml and i will be all set to start school.

i am going to start the semester right with God. will try to approach school in a different way and see school in a different light. i feel really comforted by how He is going to use me and mould me this semester. It is going to be tough no doubt and all my fears about projects and individual presentations kills me but i am going to go through them with His grace.

i dont know why i am feeling so sore about the whole 2Ms thing.
ahskhdkashdkasdhjksajdkasjdkasjdskaljdlsajkdsajkdasjd
not jealousy. not overreactiong. not judgemental
argh forget it. i cant be bothered anymore. it is time to let you do whatever you want.
i wont say anything. i will just do what is best for you two.
keep quiet, move on

edit 01: Birthday Wishlist Updated. See Tags on left hand corner below advertisments.

Down with a horrible flu and my throat hurts like hell. it must be the weather. i feel so stuffy and i doubt i will be able to sleep well tonight. i hate the feeling when you sleep and your throat feels super uncomfortable. darn it, i need honey water.

Birthday Party plans are done. i feel bad that i have to cancel out alot of people because there are really a lot of people coming and i really hope that everyone will have a good time. just come down for fellowship and i cant wait to see everyone :D

bidding in round 2B is freaking scary. i can only bid for my political science module then and there are only 5 available spaces there so it is up to you, God. (: if all goes well, i am going to get all my modules by friday. 

<i>i am falling to my knees
sweet anoiting feels this place
i am found in your embrace</i>

okay, i dont normally do this but because this year is my 21st birthday, i have decided that since i am having a party, a birthday wishlist will be more appropriate. (: 

Birthday Wishlist is on Tags. You can look for it at the left hand corner.
i cant wait. (:

the year 2007 has arrived. Had countdown party at Bryan's house yesterday and it was probably one of the best countdown parties i have been too. The company was the same but i really thought the reflection session on 2006 was really impactful. i found the peace and i found my answer.

Elvin is right. When i say i am surrending my whole life to God, it means accepting what God has planned out for me. It is accepting the good and more importantly, the bad things that occurs to me. Accepting the will of God may be hard because i may never feel that it is the best for me but i know in God's eyes, it will always be perfect.

and that is all i need. (: 

okay hold that thought; church was really great yesterday. we got to go back to our camp groups and we just reflected alot of what has it been like since camp. perhaps, we didnt really do alot of reflections but it was great to talk to everyone again! JUDEA OWNAGE. <3




Jesus, hold me into your heart
into your heart
Lord, my soul delights
and i know you hear my prayer
take me deeper, Lord

Pictures for the first time. i am really bored at home and i am sick of thinking too much. 



esp 3:20.

i am going to go out in faith.
i just hate dealing with it everyday. (:

i

i dont know the reason why but you know better than I.

i will come running home.
even when it is hard now and i cant seem to find You.
i cant seem to find the words and i cant seem to hear your voice.
but i know admist the silentness, there You are standing.

Grant me the words. Grant me the acceptance.
Grant the receptive hearts of those 4 i love.
Break this chain.

you love me the way i do; even when i feel that i have failed.. you pick me up and i can find rest in You.
Lord, Deal with me.

i guess i will start posting here since i know alot of people do not even know that i have a LJ account. 


i wish i have the answers to life right now.
What do you want from me, God?
I worked hard for the past sem but it just doesnt seemed to be enough.
this is the first time i realised that it doesnt pay to study hard. 

and i dont know what to do. 
i am down and out.

i just feel like ajsdkasjdkasjdlkasjdklasjdalksdjaksl.

i decided to make this public because if you are reading this, i am sincerely praying that you could pray for me or encourage me in your own quiet ways. 

it has not been easy leading this year's camp. but i am thankful that God has called me to go forth and lead because i know that in my own way, He will provide and lead. all the human expectations and all the insercurities that i am feeling can get so irritating. it is quite obvious that there are some out there who dont feel that the camp comm or i have the capability to lead.

it makes me feel that much weaker because i feel so stupid letting myself get influenced by human expectations. God's expectations are never the same and i should know that myself. i shouldnt be letting it affect my studies even as my exams are approaching in a week's time. 

so pray for me even as i continue to seek him and trust him for this camp. For i know that it is only by faith that i can sustain through. He has prepared a city for me and i should go in faith. He will lead as always. (: 

i need the wisdom and guidiance.

some prayer requests : 

1) The Kingdom of God will be manifested in every camper at the end of the camp.
2) for the unity and for more initiatives from the camp comm. For leadership and to be used even if we lack the experience
3) for respect from campers to camp comm and vice versa
4) for the safety of every camper for every activity we will have
5) for the smooth running of the activities and good weather. 
6) for camp comm and I to push the camp together. for transparency within the camp comm and constant encouragement even if things dont work out.
7) Most importantly, for God's love and grace to be upon us and may we seek to worship and lead lifes that are pleasing unto Him. 


Praise God. May this camp be a success in His eyes. 
Take thy cup. Let your will be done.

Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

-William Shakespeare

i stood there like a sinner waiting for you to come bring me back. 

i went with an open heart to worship God at chc last saturday. worship was good but i did not really think that message was really theoritically sound. Pastor was more keen in telling stories than explaining the verses from the bible. i was kind of disappointed but i remembered that doc once said that we should at least try to remember one point from the messge.

that one point was to praise God in advance. 

it spoke to me in a big way because i know that i tend to forget his presence and go it my own way. i only praise Him for the joys he has given me and maybe sometimes the bad things. but i have never tried praising him for the future and what he has install for me. that striked me alot as a Christian. our relationship with God is not only a daily issue , it is also a future issue on trusting him with the eternity life he has given us. 

Pastor asked us to raise up our hands if we had backslided or we have have been living a sinful life. i raised my hands; eyes were staring but my heart was on God. i knew that i have failed to include him in my life for the past one week. i know i have done things that has hurt Him. i am sorry, Lord. Pastor prayed and i felt really renewed after that. perhaps it was a temporal feeling but i know that what is more important is that i felt the willingness to change

i am trying. i am learing everyday. 

today , i sat down at my exam table and started praying. i started praying for things that were not even related to the exams. i started thanking Him for the big and small things be it good and bad. i realised how God wants me to be a more contented person. the things in life, i may not like it and i may not see eye to eye with it but in all things, God is in control. there is really nothing impossible with Him around.

i am deeply thankful. everyday i wake up learning more about myself and learning the lessons that you have taught me.  (:

Phil 3:1-11 

" What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. " Phil 3:8-11

i just love reading the book of Philipians. Paul is truly an amazing servant of God. In spite of his sufferings, his hope was still rooted in Christ who died to save us from our sins and he believed that Jesus would one day come back to take him into His presence. 

we all tend to blame others and especially God when something horrible happens. we tend to blame God more because we know that He is aware of our sufferings. we dont think, we dont reason and it is so easy for us to just shift the blame to Him. but we never realised that the hope of seeing and focusing on what Christ did on the cross can be the basis to keep us going.  that death of the cross gives meaning to every moment and it gives us the reason to live in behalf of Christ. 

Paul had come to know Christ as his very life. 


can i do that? 


it struck me so much just now. i have been a sinner in every aspect of my life. i am guilty of of the things that i have done to hurt God. i am guilty for always thinking of my self before God. i am guilty of falling away from Him at times and always blaming on other things but myself. He is there and all i need to do is search my heart. Losing sight of Him can be common but He is always waiting for us to come back. that is how amazing our God is - his unfailing love for us.


For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. 
-Philippians 1:21

i am really NOTHING without You.
let me find meaning from You through the joys and sorrows.


;

Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole
With my eyes on you
Lord I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me,
Holding onto You

Freedom comes
When I call You Lord
You are Lord my God

You are the centre of it all,
The universe declares in awe
Your majesty
I surrender all
I make you
The centre of my life
Lord, I respond with all I am
you placed in me the song
Of heavens melody
Your Majesty
I live to sing Your song

I have found Your peace
It replaces any fear
You have done it all
I can trust in you
So I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding onto you


in all i do, i honour You.

i had a really heartwarming talk with abi. there were moments when drops of tears flowed down. i am glad i have found someone who was ready and willing to embrace my whole situation. she was right. maybe i am just making the whole church problem into something that is based more on feelings than God's will for me. but i always strongly believe that God puts you in situations for a reason. i cant deny that i am an emotional person but i have always tried to follow Him and ask myself why did He put me here and there? perhaps this is my own emotional way of seeking His will.

i know i am easily suayed by people's decisions but i know utlimately, the decision lies in me. the decision that i eventually make must allow God to bring PEACE to my heart. that is when i know i will not regret and i can move on. the weird thing is i am not angry with God. i am not disappointed at all for what He has put me in. this surprises me alot because i used to blame my problems on God. i like that change in me now. Because i know i have faith that comes from the understanding of His word that surpasses everything that happens.

what is left is the added leap of faith into eden!


and then there is clara. i have been keeping you in my prayers. :D

;

God has opened up doors for me now. i am not going to sit here and just do nothing. i want to embrace what He has opened for me and let Him decide on how to use me for his kingdom. let it flow, let your grace flow upon me. 


'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ 's power may rest on me. that is why, for Christ's sake, i delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when i am weak, then i am strong.' - 2 Cor 12 : 9-10